Welcome To Mute Cat Manolo

Learn along with me as we dive into the world of professional writing

Writing can be a tricky business.

If you do it alone, that is. I made that grave mistake when I first started, and I paid heavily for it.

I wasted a year writing a whole novel, completely clueless about how lacklustre my writing was.

Then, when I got the courage to show it to a professional writer (an editor, no less), the world was swept under my feet, and I lay gasping for air on the kitchen floor. I don’t want you to make the same mistake. I want you to start your first project with all the information you need.

Storytime

The year is 2008, and I’m with some mates in Andorra snowboarding. The thing is, I don’t know how to snowboard. Most of my friends do, and they keep pushing two other newbies and me into red slopes because, according to them, we must stick together. Well, all this sticking together nearly broke my coccyx.

If you never snowboard, the hardest thing to master is the back slide. It’s when you face the slope head-on and turn your back to it. Basically, turning with your back. You rotate your shoulders to where you want to go, and your feet follow. Thing is, having your back turned to where you’re trying to go is highly counter-intuitive. Most people will crouch and fall if they have time.

The board will usually dig itself into the snow and send you tumbling down the mountain. You should always wear safety gear. They keep telling you to protect your head, but nobody told me about the tailbone. An injured coccyx is a fountain of continuous agonising pain.

Do what you think is best for you

After two days of harrowing torture, I had had enough. I told them to go and have fun; I would stay near the blue and green slopes conveniently close to a cosy Pyrenean pub. They weren’t happy about it and grumbled a lot. But I was a bit tired of landing on my bum and sliding down the mountain like an autumn leaf in the wind if an autumn leaf weighed 85kg and hadn’t pooped in two days.

Lo and behold, on that very afternoon, I learned how to backslide by taking it very slowly and drinking a lot of anaesthetics ale. I had a wonderful time.

The next day one of the other rookies said he was giving up. He was broken all over from trying to follow our maniac friends. I told him to come with me, and I would show him how to snowboard painlessly.

He accepted it and two hours late he too was snowboarding.

Having little experience doesn’t disqualify you from teaching

I’m not an instructor, and I barely knew how to snowboard myself, but because I was so close to the moment I figured it out, I was the best person to guide my friend into backsliding success.

That night we shared our achievements, and the next day there were four of us in the kiddy pool.

By the end of the week, we all managed to tackle red slopes and dare some jumps. It was amazing. The joy, the sheer sense of freedom, the smell of the snow, the views. Absolutely staggering. I fell in love with snowboarding. And I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t turned my back on the ‘experts’ and figured stuff out on my own.

That’s exactly what I can offer you: Writing insights fresh off the boat

How about it? Ready to brave the stormy mountain that is professional writing without harming ourselves in the process?

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